Fat Bloke Stories

I will list some of the fun times I have had as well as the challenges that being overweight for 43 years has shown. Generally growing up to 17 or 18 was a hoot but after that is when you realize that girls don’t like the chubby hubby’s.

Worst Memory of Childhood!

We all have them right? Well mine had a huge impact on my life. Let me set the scene. My best mate at the time, Andrew Ramsey, invites me to his house in Preston Grange for tea. I was about 10 or 11 years old. Lovely house with very nice furniture. So we have our ‘playtime’ and then his mam calls us in for tea. I choose a seat at the side of the table and in true ‘kid’ fashion, I rock on the back 2 legs of the chair. Well you can imagine what happens next…….CRACK the chair legs snap. No matter how many times his Mam was telling me the chair was broken before, it never left my mind. Haven’t seen Andy for years and I am sure none of his family remember it, but to me its as clear as yesterday 🙁

One of those Magic moments!

The incident with the chair scarred me for life. However one of the funniest things that ever happened ( And no one had a camera ) was when I was in my late twenties and a friend of mine ( Jason Copinger nee Peters ) was running a pub in Hounslow. It was a hot Saturday afternoon and he had invited us ‘big’ lads round as he was running a funday ( Tug of war I think). So we turn up and have a few sherberts blah blah blah, anyway I go outside to sit on the bench. Next thing I know this thin lad comes and sits on the bench. A couple of seconds later there is an almighty crack and yes you guessed it, the bench collapsed….. Funny thing was, my end was still solid, it was the end where the thin lad sat that broke 🙂 Oh how I chuckled. Classic.

Bad Manners? 80’s 🙂

Bad Manners? Me? Never!!! Growing up in the 80’s was amazing. We had such a diverse range of music that you could be a new romantic rocker wearing ‘Mod’ clothes. For me the choice of look varied but in my 15/16 years of life I decided to go for the ‘skin head’ look. Much to the disappointment of my Mam & Dad ( Sorry guys ) and my geography teacher who caned me for it ( Never be allowed these days ). Rudi, The German Barber was the man of choice. He would shave your head whilst smoking his cigarette and let the ash drop on your head. He ALWAYS would shave half your head and then pretend he had finished, it was funny the first time but not every time after that 🙂 Anyway whay was a shaven fat kid cool to be with in the 80’s? Well one of the top Ska bands was one called Bad Manners. Their lead singer was one ‘Buster Bloodvessel’ who was, yes you guessed it a fat shaven headed porker. They had some strange songs and one was called ‘Lip up Fatty’ Whenever I went to clubs, all the skin head gangs would dance round me pretending I was said ‘chubby chanter’ and singing Lip up fatty Brown 🙂 Funny thing was 20 years later I had a phonecall late one night ( WHich usually meant it was from a friend of mine called Bill ) however this particular night I picked up the phone only to be called a ‘Fat xxxx’. Turns out Bill had bumped in Buster Bloodvessel and had him ring me 🙂


Leave a Reply